When it all started out, he was a gentleman. He was supportive and kind and sweet. EVERYONE loved him. We thought we loved each other after two weeks. We were obsessed, love-sick puppies who spent every single second together as soon as we met. We moved in together after a few weeks.
I felt so strongly for him that I could overlook little warning signs like his ex calling over and over again from a psyc. ward.
“She’s crazy,” he told me, and I believed him. He was the victim in everything. His ex faked being suicidal during their relationship. She tried to ruin his schooling by crying all the time for attention. She tried to ruin his life. She was obsessed. She was crazy. He did nothing to instigate any of it, he just had crazy girls following him around. I never would have guessed that over the course of the next year, he would say that I was doing all of these things, just as he said about his ex to me, to his next victim.
I believed everything that he said about me. I was crazy. I was obsessed. I was abusive. I was horrible. I was ugly. I was fat. I wasn’t good enough. Everyone leaves. Nobody would ever love me like he did. Nobody would put up with me like he did. My dad left because of me. I was stupid. I was bad at sex. I wasn’t as good as his exes. He wished my hair was one way. I looked bad in dresses. I looked bad in red lipstick. I was a whore. I was pathetic. I was unstable. I was sick.
I had no idea who I was anymore. I was nothing. I was his shadow.
After a few months, if he had told me the sky was orange, I would have believed him.
There are similarities between every single narcissist’s manipulative ways. They lure you in with sweetness and love, fill you with poison and revoke their love, tell you that you’ve filled them with poison and that you’re killing them and then play with you until they get bored and leave you for dead, starving for the love that you had in the beginning.
- Losing control of your life: Removal of support systems, destroying any confidence
- Either they will repeat the cycle or get bored and find a new victim.
*Disclaimer* I am not writing this blog for myself- I don’t need to vent, I don’t need to express emotions and I don’t need to whine about some boy- writing these things triggers me and brings back PTSD symptoms- it doesn’t benefit me at all other than letting me help other survivors relate to someone and bring awareness to those who can’t relate. I am writing this blog solely to help others and raise awareness about mental health.